I need my fans in order to sleep. Their worship is what sets my mind at ease. If I am not lulled into slumber by their jubilant adorations I will wake with a great and terrible vengeance to wreak havoc upon this ungrateful earth

No you missed the part where I succeed and hate myself anyway

Some say that the universe only exists insofar as it is perceived. This is true, but we are not the observers. All of the world is a grand eye and that eye is spread across itself again and again. We are all but figments in the eye of the world, floaters thinking themselves eyes and seeing nothing. This is all to say that the elf on the shelf is REAL and this image PROVES IT!