I’m not going to take up catcalling, but this makes me realize we could all be complimenting each other much more creatively than we do now.
Compliment choices.
I strongly support this and try to practice it in real life. If someone does something bold or that clearly required effort, it’s worth calling out. Bonus if you can do it as you pass them, like going opposite directions in the vestibule of a store, so it’s clear that you’re not looking to get something in return.
For selfish reasons, I also genuinely appreciate people who do something to make themselves stand out. I have trouble with faces, so if you have distinctive jewelry or a big hairstyle or colorful clothing, it makes it easier to recognize you. (Obviously this part only applies in a group social setting and less so in the vestibule of a store.)
One of my favorite instances of this was when I was in the waiting area of a restaurant and saw a guy wearing a loud jacket. I said something like “hey man, awesome jacket!” He got a huge grin, clapped me on the shoulder, and expressed a big thank you. Meanwhile, the person that I assume was his girlfriend smiled and rolled her eyes. I don’t know the background story there, but it was a very satisfying response.
edit: Also, I’ve heard some cool stories in response to this in situations where people weren’t passing by. For example, I might compliment a receptionist’s watch and get back "thanks! I got it from my brother when he went to … " and learn a lot about a person’s history, with the only cost being hopefully making them feel good.
I started doing this after reading a comment on Reddit about how most men rarely get compliments, so each individual one is likely to mean a lot. I don’t limit my compliments to men, but I do try (hopefully successfully) to make sure that nothing I flatter seems predatory. I’ve almost universally gotten positive responses and it’s very rewarding.
As the dude who wears loud clothes every so often, to the total chagrin of my partner, that compliment you have was the payoff from a dozen “that’s ugly” vs a dozen “nah it’s dope”. Thank you for settling the debate. Lmao
That’s always been my theory and I would feel bad about it (due to potentially fostering further conflict in a couple), but the fact that she was smiling while she rolled her eyes made me feel a lot better.
That’s why it’s one of my favorite memories of that kind of interaction.
chagrin
Your vocabulary is awesome, and you’re awesome for making it that way.
Also thank you for teaching me a new word.
I never grew past the phase of childhood where kids will be like “oh my God cool shirt we should be friends!” Lol I make a point to do my best never to come across as creepy or predatory (especially given I am physically quite large. Over weight by about 60 pounds, but even at my ideal weight I’d be an imposing figure), but clothing choices are what I notice, just like when I was a kid. I’ll be walking through Walmart and be like “I love your T-shirt!” And the smiles are so amazing. I don’t know why more people don’t do it, it feels so good seeing people get happy, when all I did was say the thing I was thinking already.
A favorite one was a woman in Walmart a few months ago. She was tall, and dressed in, full, hippie gear. I’m talking log flowing earth tones, chunky crystal necklace, an om/aum pendant, peace symbol ear rings, her hair was in this really elaborate braid, the type that looks super simple but probably takes a ton a work, super tall chunky cork platforms… It was like she stepped out of the 60s, but not in a fake way, it was obviously not a costume, either. This these contemporary items that she put together for this look. She looked amazing.
I initially went to compliment the necklace that I really liked, and then took in the whole look and it came out like this:
“I love your ne-- I love your whole freaking vibe!”
She laughed hard and smiled and just looked so incredibly joyful. Then she noticed the two tiny puppies I had and she got the play with puppies for a minute, and it was a rare example of joy in this crushing dystopian world.
I think even this sort of compliment will be creepy to many (perhaps most) women. Am I wrong?
Tone of voice makes a difference. The scarf and especially the bag aren’t associated with body parts, which is better when it’s a man to women. He should compliment men as well. As a woman, I can say “Cute shoes!” without coming off fetishy, might not be so easy for a guy. Also, guy to guy, “wow, looks like you could run so fast in those shoes!” could be nice and funny, but frightening guy-to-girl. Sadly, a young woman can hardly compliment a young man without risking him hearing “I will fuck you” instead of whatever she really said. And being angry because she “led him on.” But now I’m old, I can. Still keeping it uncreepy of course, because most young guys don’t want to feel leered at by saggy old ladies. Always keep the power/age/gender dynamic in mind and imagine being the other before opening your mouth.
First one is cool, others could be toned down a bit.
Just try to compliment “like a girl” - a simple “Hey I love your scarf! The pattern is awesome” is much calmer than sounding like a runway commentator lol. Only further engage if the other person further engages. This goes for all genders!
